the adventures of yoshi

sometimes…its just hard being a lady

Posted in Food for Thought by yoshi on June 25, 2010

simply put, boys don’t understand what its like to be a woman. ESPECIALLY a woman living in new york.

other than what i’ve heard about jamaica and witnessed first hand in italy, new york is full of men on the prowl.

as a lady, we take on the daily ritual of being whistled at, hissed at, called out to, followed for a block while ignoring the dude who’s trying to holler and won’t stop until you cross the street, you name it.

we deal with comments like:

“heyyy sexxxxxy, where you goin? can i come?”

“mami! i LLLLIKEEE IT I LIIIIIKE! oW!”

“konichiwa sexy”

“ay chinita! ::insert whistle::”

*that will be a day when i hear a man in the hood shout out to me, “hoy pinay! magandang umaga!”

now, some of you may be thinking – that’s not TOO bad. at first, no, its not – it sure as hell boasts my ego no doubt, and there are those few men that come up with more clever ways to grab your attention that i can’t help but laugh and say hello back. however, when you hear this non-stop for a 4 block radius, don’t you think its a bit much? after a while, you feel like you’re walking down a catwalk… in a stripclub.

don’t get it twisted though – i’m not saying i get this greeting allll the time because i’m just so hot the men just HAVE to holler at me – hell no – these men will holler at anything with t&a (and they don’t even have to be big!), they’re just more verbal out here in ny.

while some women love the attention, i, and i know many other ladies i’m sure, just can’t understand WHY we need to just get used to it… or ignore it. its not fair.

the reason i bring this up, is because the bf gets mad at me for asking him to come with me to the corner store or to the chicken spot a few blocks away to pick up some food. he says i can never do anything myself – which is SO not true if anyone knows me at all. the REAL reason i want him to come with me every chance i get, is because, well sometimes… i just need a break from this tootin’ and hollerin! like FOR REAL, can these men just give a girl a break from feeling like we’re on display for once? i figure, that if i’m with a dude, my own bf no less, it would lessen the obscene comments that much more…

but what does the bf do when we go to the chicken spot?

he LEAVES me while i’m at the atm! so now i gotta walk by the damn barbershop to catch up with him 3 buildings down, and of course i get the “ay ay – konichiwa blondie – where you headin?” yadda yadda yadda, plus the knocking on the window to try to get my attention… and did the bf hear any of it? OF COURSE NOT! when i told him what just happened (even after telling him WHY i wanted him to come with me), he said, “well, isn’t that a good thing?” aowiefhapwiefhapwoiefhawpoifhawoeifh!!!! WTF!

i have no energy to argue. i’m hungry. i eat. we leave. we walk by the barbershop and the guys are still there, but instead of hollerin at me this time, they say w’sup to my bf and the bf asks, “what time you guys open? aite coo, thanks” GAH! no words.

men, if you’re reading, please treat women with a bit more respect. you’ll find, that we’ll actually respond to you better.

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13 Responses

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  1. spikessequins said, on June 25, 2010 at 9:45 AM

    OMG that’s right girl you tell them! These guys in NY are unbelievable. I get so tired of the hoots and hollars. Since I cut my hair I always get “Hey Halle sorry about your break up, can I be you your bf next!?!” but that’s not even the worst one thing I heard. Once, I was sitting on the train and a guy approached me trying to holla but because I didn’t pay him any mind he started throwing money at me claiming he can make it rain and he could buy me anything I wanted! Oh and one other time a walking to the movies a guy told me I needed to have my back broken! Ugh, it’s about time they started respecting us and treating us like ladies. I really don’t like traveling by myself anymore. I think I’m going start hollarin @ them the same way and see how they feel…”HEY PAPI!” (blows kisses) haha that’ll be priceless!

    • yoshi said, on June 25, 2010 at 2:24 PM

      i can’t believe he started throwing money at you!

  2. flawlessmistake said, on June 25, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    Men seem to be like this everywhere. Its so disrespectful. I understand you want to holler but if you get no response from me leave me the hell alone. Lol. Some men just dont and will never get it. I’ve been called, “China Doll to Erykah badu and everything else under the sun. The only one that I actually stopped and had to laugh about was a guy across the street from me yelled, “You dropped something”. He had me looking around at my feet for whatever I dropped and the next thing I know he is beside me handing me his business card while saying, “You dropped my number”. Lol.

    • yoshi said, on June 25, 2010 at 2:24 PM

      OMMMGGGG – THAT IS HILARIOUS, gotta give him props for that one lol

  3. spikessequins said, on June 25, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    Yes, $20.00 bills! hahaha @ “You dropped my number” that’s a good one

  4. Vanessa said, on June 25, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    Objectification at its finest. And by finest, I mean worst. It’s absolutely demoralizing after a few encounters. You either become desensitized or unwilling to go to bodega by your damn self.

    I feel you.

  5. erin said, on June 25, 2010 at 6:42 PM

    a relevant excerpt from the sartorialist blog post – “A graceful man, a gentleman”:

    ” I’m telling you guys again, women notice the small stuff. They notice the gentleness/gentlemenliness more than if you use the right fork at dinner. I’m a very lucky man, Garance notices every little kindness I offer her, she doesn’t miss a thing. Knowing that makes it so much more rewarding to do even more little things for her. I’ll be honest, my biggest obsession in life right now is not better shoes, more suits or a bigger career but, to simply be a more graceful man for my graceful woman.”

    — that’s what i’m talking about — read the whole cute/sweet post!
    http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/2010/02/graceful-man-gentleman.html

  6. sandy said, on June 27, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    great post! move to asia! the men here have much more respect (or fear). they just get their rocks off at the local wack off spot and are done with it!

  7. Cee said, on June 27, 2010 at 1:51 PM

    Nah, I think D.C. is way worse, I’ve seen guys grab girls and I’ve been cursed at for not responding to their advances. I hate when a guy stands close to you and looks you up and down, like you’re CLEARLY in my space on an empty sidewalk. smdh

  8. justine said, on June 28, 2010 at 5:18 AM

    LOVE this post! it’s definitely not fair! and as a filipina I can relate with the “chinita” comments, especially since I don’t look filipino at first glance. I’d love to hear the “how pinay!” comment one day, though, as a first haha

  9. Jimmy! said, on June 28, 2010 at 10:11 AM

    I tread women with respect! With so much respect that I’m almost (like Sandy says, lol)… afraid of them… (sigh)…

  10. Beth said, on July 2, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    I get this in Port Chester, NY (just north of NYC), while i’m driving my car or at a stop light; its the most uncomfortable feeling that I have to sit and consider if I can take my cardigan off when I’m wearing a halter top…I worked hard to feel comfortable in my own skin & now I can barely enjoy it because of the comments!! It feels better knowing every female goes through this and sometimes we just need to vent.

    I’ve actually asked my guy friends what the best way to deal with the comments is; and was told to basically ignore it and NEVER yell back! That will just keep the comments coming…I don’t listen to my iPod walking/sitting around (i’m usually reading), but i’ll pretend I am just to be left alone…its the worst.

  11. Anastasia-Evangaline said, on July 23, 2010 at 9:40 PM

    Hey girls, Let me be the bearer of bad news and tell you that it doesn’t get any better even when your on the other side of the world.

    I’m from Australia (Melbourne) and I live in a middle eastern/arab area. I’m Italian/Turkish so I look a bit ‘exotic’ in their eyes.

    I can’t walk down the street to my local fruit shop without guys hanging out the car windows, screaming, beeping their horns or even yelling ‘I’d f**k ya’ (when I’m next to my mum of all people) I had to crack up laughing when she yelled back ‘I wouldn’t!’

    They hang around outside the stores I’m in just to repeat ‘You’re sexy, you’re sexy, heyy, I said your sexy!’ As if I’m going to turn around and say ‘Oh baby I want you I need you, let’s go into some side alley and get it on.’

    It’s appalling.

    I was so close to kicking a guy in the nuts the other day, he purposely brushed passed me in a crowded mall (once again while I’m with my mum) just so he could cop a feel on my boobs. His friend was trailing behind and stood there front and center and over-exaggerated the dropping-jaw look. I went up in his face, cupped under my boobs and jiggled them in his face and said ‘Keep dreaming loser.’

    I felt so .. fucking awesome .. for taking a stand LOL. It’s worse here though because even girls are staring at you. I have large boobs so whatever I wear it’s hard to camouflage them and they constantly look at you like your a slut because you have big boobs.

    Ugh.

    You can’t win. Guys of this generation have no respect and girls of this generation have no confidence around other girls so the intimidation eats them alive.


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